Are Moms Really Good Moms?

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mom mom feelings mother mama momma bossprincess101

Mothers are, well … motherly. They’re effortlessly patient, affectionate and nurturing, and it all comes naturally from a place deep inside… Right? At least that’s the world’s perception of what it takes to be a mother—a good one anyway. But it’s not always true. Not every mother feels like a natural mom. Some of us weren’t born with the same deep maternal instincts that help us cherish every moment and never doubt our abilities as parents. Not every woman who becomes a mother feels like she was absolutely destined to be one. Some moms have to work a bit harder to embrace motherhood and all of its constant demands.

I will admit I wasn’t ready to be a mom. To be honest I only held a newborn baby one time which was my own nephew and I was scared shitless. I wasn’t the “motherly type”. My friends are always saying “Veronica, I can’t believe you are a mother” or “You are the last person on earth that I would see have a child.” I’m not going to lie, these comments get rude and annoying sometimes.

And while it might mean that all our journeys as parents don’t look exactly the same, it’s not necessarily a bad thing. It doesn’t make you any less of a mom to admit that being one is harder than you thought or more difficult than you would like it to be. It does not make you a bad parent to admit that the joy you get from parenting doesn’t always radiate from your body. Also, it doesn’t mean you aren’t a real mother if being a mom doesn’t complete you like you imagine it does for others.

You can be a mess and still be a good mom. We are allowed to be both!

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I feel like once you are a mother you are not supposed to say these things. I will admit I don’t always love being a parent, and that is something women get conditioned not to do, no matter how hard parenting can be. If you even hint that you dislike being pregnant, are having a hard time dealing with sleepless nights during a fussy baby’s infancy, or don’t enjoy playing make-believe with your child, someone will jump to tell you to enjoy your children more. I mean, isn’t enjoying your children why you had them in the first place? What kind of mother are you if these things don’t come instinctively?

No mother is alike or should be alike. Besides, the range of emotions involved in parenting can be hard and overwhelming. In just one hour, we can go from joyful and care-free to angry and depleted. Our kids sometimes push us to our limits, demand more from us than we have to give, and love us so hard it hurts. Some of us are just built for the emotions involved in mothering, but some of us have to work hard to not let them get the best of us.

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Some of us prepared for years in every way, and some of us never planned on entering motherhood at all. And even those who grew up with younger siblings babysat a lot or spent years trying to get pregnant, don’t find that mothering comes as naturally as they believed it would when the demands of life with children are set in. And why is that? Because there’s simply no way to prepare. No matter how we step into parenthood, the truth is, few transitions in life are as extensive and all-encompassing. You’re no longer the keeper of your own time, and so many things are suddenly so fiercely out of your control.

And yet, once you’re a mother, you’re always a mother. Becoming a parent is one of the most permanent and life-altering decisions a human being can make. But even so, we’re not allowed to express negative feelings about something that can, at times, feel like more than we can handle. We’re told constantly that we should enjoy mothering, that some moms are left feeling that there must be something wrong with them if they have any negative feelings, even though there’s nothing wrong with feeling that way.

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And what about talking about those feelings? Forget it! Most of us like to put out the vibe that we’ve got it all figured out. But few of us actually enter parenting with that kind of know-how or perspective. While some of us might have a handle on small duties, like how to change diapers… that hardly makes the all-encompassing journey of being a parent much easier.

The obstacles involved in parenting are very challenging. They’re rarely cut and dry. They force us over and over again, to push ourselves to the limit because being a good parent matters, maybe more than anything else we ever do. So we strive to be so much better than we ever thought we could be. But being better doesn’t always mean being happier. Sometimes, you just have to put in the hard work because it needs to be done. We can do our best to enjoy it all, but it’s not always possible for all of us. And that leads to feelings of inadequacy or questioning whether we have what it takes, simply because of how high the stakes are. We don’t want to fail our children or the people around us. But not feeling like a natural mom doesn’t mean you aren’t a good one. It just means you’re a work in progress like we all are.

So, to us mothers who doubt ourselves or wonder if we are a good parent, I’m guessing we are already a good one. Because I learned that the fact that we are taking the time to worry about it, shows how much we care about our children, which comes naturally to all mothers.

Of All The Rights Of Women, The Greatest Is To Be A Mother.

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This was an extremely hard blog to write… very personal. I try to not share my negative thoughts with others because I feel as if I’m always being judged. Please refrain from nasty comments or e-mails.

Check out my post about mom shaming!

Are you going through the same thing I am? E-mail me or comment below and let’s connect!

This post may or may not contain affiliate links. If you choose to purchase any of the products I have recommended, I may or may not receive a small commission at no cost to you. For more information, please see my disclosures. 

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Written by y5zqw

Hello there, I’m Veronica! I run BossPrincess101 for young souls to be inspired by my parenting skills, my techniques with life, DIY projects, the delicious recipes I make for my family, and I love sharing my favorite products with others! I have been a multi-influencer for about 4 years. The past few months I have also really dedicated myself to helping businesses. My goal is to help people build better, not bigger, businesses at the end of each day.

22 Comments

  1. We can’t be perfect all the time, or really even some of the time! There are so many moments that I wish I could have back and done something better with my kids-especially when they were young. But, they are fabulous adults now, so I guess I didn’t scar them too much 🙂 And, that is all we can ask for some times!

  2. You’re absolutely, positively fine! My three children are GROWN and gone and there are still days I don’t like being a mom! ?

    I was a PTA Prez, Scout mom, orchestra mom, drama club mom and chauffeur to half the neighborhood–and yes, I worked fulltime–and I enjoyed it all, but that doesn’t mean I loved it all the time.

    I was also the one people were surprised to see married and starting a family. I was surprised too! ?

    Some moms do dive in head first and judge you if you’re not doing it their way…let them. Their children obviously aren’t keeping them busy enough! ?

    Keep doing you and what works for your family…and no one knows what that is better than you! ?

    • Thank you so much! It’s nice to see that we could connect and you understand where I am coming from. I’m going to keep trying my best to be a mother, but it is hard sometimes. People like you really help me get by with so much positivity! I hope you subscribed to my email list, I would love your input on some of my future posts! <3

  3. I think most of us feel this. I know I certainly do. sometimes writing it down like you have helps put it into perspective. Thank you for the reminder where all trying our best.
    Your pictures are beautiful especially the snowy one ?

    • Thank you so much! I’m happy we could connect! Make sure you subscribe to my email list, I would love to have your input on some of my future posts! <3

  4. everyone feels like this at some point or another. I never saw myself as the standard cookie-cutter Mom either, and i’ve even got comments like “you’re such a good mom!” but in a surprised tone… i’m a firm believer that every mom has these moments whether they admit it or not. you’re still a good mom.

  5. I think you will receive more honest comments about feeling like a failure or feeling less then a good parent then you will any other comment. Noone ever said wow I’m surprised you have a child. I have thought that about others though. We just portray a different image but when we become a mom we become different again.

  6. I would never judge you. You are doing a great job at being a mom. Those emotions that you shared are only natural and a lot of mothers would never admit it. You were brave and honest to share it. you will be okay.

  7. Honestly we can’t always be perfect. I wish there was some way to always be but its not. With motherhood, you try your best by putting your heart in the right place and hope that things work out.

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